The border

I guess election season really is right around the corner, since the immigration drum is being beaten so hard I can barely hear myself think. I’m not very well versed in the issue, but I’ve never let that stop me from mouthing off and I see no point in starting now:

• Were the American Indians the first people here, or were there others before them whose history has been erased? If they were the first ones here, they should have the final word on who stays and who goes.

• Isn’t Mexico beautiful? The food is good and cheap, and the people, they’re so nice.

• My people came to this country from Ireland, and did not receive what I’d call a warm welcome.

• It should be illegal to live in Arizona unless you work for the park service. There’s almost no water so they’re sucking several other Western states dry. When do I get to vote on whether or not they receive federal aid? I don’t think they should. In fact, I think they should be arrested for water crimes.

• Clearly, Mexicans created the drug problem in the U.S.

• If you’re a homo, know this: we’re on sabbatical this time because the anti-gay account has been overdrawn by the political strategists. We’ll be on the ballot again, soon enough.

• If people come up from Mexico and they don’t do all the proper paperwork, how do they get jobs? And where?

• Teaching children in the U.S. two languages – English and Spanish – would make our country smarter. That’s because learning a new language – regardless of the language – requires using a part of your brain not used otherwise.

• Really, what’s wrong with detaining people – even if it’s just pulling them over on the highway – because of what they look like? I look gay, so I think it’s perfectly understandable that parents get nervous when I’m around their children, because we all know gay folks are child molesters.

• I’ve read in the history books that large parts of what is now the Southwestern part of the U.S. was Mexico not that long ago.

• I think all of us – regardless of the groups to which we belong – should know what it feels like to be on a ballot, to be voted on by your friends, neighbors, co-workers. There’s nothing quite like it.

• If all the minorities refused to be pitted against one another for the sake of short-term gain that usually turns out to be fake anyhow, man, I only have two words for what that would be like: game over.