Perks

If you ever find yourself doubting the sheer power of PR, come on out to Oregon and get a load of our biggest, most expensive problem: the state worker. We hate them. We hate them so much we don’t even need to stop and think about why we hate them, and that’s because the script is so clear, so simple, so repeated and recited and reiterated that we live and breathe it as automatically as we turn on the lights when the sun goes down.

It goes something like this. State workers are lazy. They do not start working a minute before their shift begins, and they cease any and all work-related activities the instant that shift ends. That’s because of the union, of course. They don’t help anyone. If you have a problem and your quest to resolve it leads to a telephone call to a state office, well, sorry about that. They earn outrageous salaries that continue to rise while the rest of us suffer through the recession. It’s their retirement funding, in fact, that tethers the entire state of Oregon to fiscal failure. Those state workers are getting such an amazing deal that it cripples the rest of the state.

The private sector, on the other hand, now that’s where our heroes live. The private sector innovates. The private sector creates jobs. The private sector pays taxes endlessly and heroically, its love for all things Oregon so deep and true, its devotion to the beautifully independent people of the state so touching I almost cry just thinking about it. The private sector sacrifices, while the state workers pad their piggy banks and punch the clock.

Here’s the message: it’s so unfair.

And here’s my take on it: it’s so untrue, so prone to messaging and talking points it’s almost laughable. One of Ronald Reagan’s most notable accomplishments was the degradation of government employees. Oregon, smugly ‘progressive’ Oregon would do him proud. I worked for the state for five years in the last century; I was a recent transplant at the time and the experience blew my mind. In numerous ways, those of us who worked for Portland State University were taught to apologize for being public employees. The result of this crippled mindset, I thought, was that the aura of embarrassment permeated the entire university, which prompted me to come up with this tag line for the school: PSU – Nobody’s First Choice. Unfortunately, the institution’s identification with the narrative extended to the classrooms, where I thought the caliber of teaching was mediocre almost without exception. My point of comparison, of course, is unfair: I was fortunate enough to grow up in a community where people understood that education isn’t free, so they paid for it. Lucky me.

For the last decade I’ve worked in what we like to call the private sector. That’s where we get tax breaks for shipping jobs not only out of the state but out of the country as well. That’s where we pay our friends half a million to lead seminars on “leadership development,” and then quietly fire many of the attendees. That’s where we get tax breaks for building hideous office developments in areas that cannot be reached without a car. And that’s where, finally, we pay government relations pros some pretty fancy salaries to perform their whispery brand of magic behind the scenes. Government contracts, anyone? Or, in the private sector’s preferred parlance, government partnerships?

Which brings me, unfortunately, to Ted Wheeler. When the state treasurer died earlier this year, he was appointed to fill the position, and he has decided that he wants the job permanently. Ted Wheeler, who I assume identifies himself as a Democrat, was the former chair of the Multnomah County Commission. He loves Twitter and Facebook. As if the horses were just unhitched from the covered wagons last week, in a way that’s simultaneously endearing and infuriating, people in Oregon like to talk about how long their family has lived here. On his Web site, Ted Wheeler brags about being a 5th generation Oregonian. In a way he undercuts himself by then bragging about his degrees, which were earned way, way beyond the Oregon state line. But in another, probably more impactful way he really plays to the home crowd: he’s attacking state workers, running commercials trumpeting the fact that even though he’s only been on the job for a few months, he’s already taking a tough stance on state employees and their “perks.” I can think of a number of ways to describe that cheap tactic. Sleazy is one. Exploiting the beat-up psyche of thousands of people is another. My most accurate description of it, though, is this: even though he’ll probably win, I plan to vote for whomever is running against Ted Wheeler.