Hold the celebration. Most voters expected Republicans to win control of the House of Representatives on Election Day, but nearly as many expect to be disappointed with how they perform by the time the 2012 elections roll around.
And a few hours later, this headline, on MSN:
With elections down, all eyes on 2012.
Down? Was it a hunting adventure? And in terms of eyes, who exactly constitutes ‘all’? Speaking only for myself, my eyes, and my ears, were on Multnomah County, Oregon where they were counting ballots to see if the keys to the governor’s mansion were going to be handed over to a guy who, as best I can tell, never so much as ran for student government. (The answer, for now, appears to be no.)
You might expect me to be critical of this, but there’s one piece of information that’s changed my mind. The cost for the game show that ended for the most part on Tuesday evening was $3 billion, which I believe makes elections, officially, an industry. And with the media publishing polls about the next election before the current election is finalized, coupled with the high court’s wisdom about the spending rights of corporations, it’s only going to get better with time.
And another thing that might surprise you is that I am looking forward to seeing how far this goes, and given the fact that we worship the almighty dollar – and why not? – I predict it will go all the way. I picture a more user friendly future for our elections, where people cast their votes via text or cell phones or e-mail, or all three perhaps, plus Facebook and Twitter and some red state/blue state iPad app and whatever new moronic thing comes along between now and 2012, and at the rate we are innovating there will surely be many. I can see shapely women in sparkly gowns gliding to and fro in the rotunda at the U.S. Capitol, walking people in and out depending, of course, on the results, and allowing them to comment briefly from time to time about how it was either the best time of their life or how much they’re looking forward to serving the people of our great country, especially the men and women in uniform and the men and women – but mostly men – who once wore a uniform but now reside, tax free, in graveyards. It gives me chills, just thinking about it. And I picture, or hear, a soundtrack of some sort, maybe an orchestra, or a pre-recorded theme song since the acoustics at the Capitol are terrible.
But what I really want in my elections is some personality, and the perfect way to achieve that, I think, is to have some judges. Not the black-robed sorts, but some real rabble rousers, some real personalities, who could give hand signals or put ping-pong paddles with numbers up to cast their vote. The former governors of Illinois, for example, could do a season with their parole officers in tow, just slightly beyond the camera’s reach, but very slightly. Or maybe a panel of jilted political wives. The possibilities for putting some lipstick on the old pig are truly endless, and with only 24 months to go before the next season finale I think we better get moving.
