One of my goals is to write really short, succinct sentences that convey far more than the word count would suggest. Tight, is the word I use. So imagine my envy upon reading the following sentence, all 27 words of it, which was fourth from the top when I saw it (although Kate’s appearance on “The View” may have bumped it down later in the day) on the “latest news” section of CNN.com:
(CNN) -- The reaction to Kanye West's hijacking of the microphone from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards came quickly and unequivocally.
- “The reaction … came quickly and unequivocally.” I thought language like that was reserved for events like bombings and assassinations or the testing of nuclear missiles. You know, things that actually matter to people.
- “Kanye West” – who the hell is Kanye West? And why does his name matter enough to be in the first sentence of a top news story?
- “… hijacking of the microphone …” I was under the impression that when a hijacking takes place, and it’s a top news story, that the hijacking is of something significant, something of value. Something like a ton of money, the release of political prisoners, someone’s life. I’m just saying.
- “Taylor Swift.” Again, and my most sincere apologies to her family, but who is Taylor Swift? And why should I care?
- “ … the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards …” Really? MTV is still on the air? I had no idea. And it’s still taken seriously enough to have an annual awards show? That reminds me of my 20th high school reunion, when the woman who’d been the prom queen showed up in the dress she wore in 1984 and showed the photo album from her big night to anyone willing to look.
So to the writer of this most muscular of sentences, congratulations. It should be included in Journalism 101 – if that course is still taught – for beautifully conveying, with so few words, so much of what is so terribly wrong. And best of all, it doesn’t even reference the one-word talentless wonder at the center of the whole fracas, who closed the evening with her selfless “graciousness,” who would probably fork over a lot of money – I’m just saying – for publicity that good.
