We want to spare others from our pain

Last week I noticed a truly strange story on the news. Two young women were in a horrendous car crash in Arizona. One died, and one survived, though barely. A week or so after the crash, the hospital realized a mistake had been made: the young woman whose memorial service was being planned was actually the one who was alive, and the one believed to be clinging to her life in the ICU had in fact died at the scene of the accident. I am sure this is shocking and horrific for all involved. I cannot image losing my child and then being informed that she’s actually still alive; nor can I imagine believing my daughter is fighting for her life only to be told that she actually lost the fight a week ago. But, this being the age of victimhood as a competitive sport, and also the age where the news is more than happy to serve as a forum for the contest provided there are enough tears, it didn’t end there. The outrage directed at the hospital over the mix up was shocking even to me. How could this have happened? one of the relatives blathered. This has caused a lot of unnecessary pain, said another. And then, on Friday morning, as if in deference to the Shirley Sherrod situation, one of the aunts used her moment in the spotlight to say that the hospital should have focused on accuracy rather than speed when informing the families. Which made me start wondering about a few things. First, does anyone really believe that we’d be willing to wait for the sake of accuracy? We want everything right now, if not sooner, and the minute there’s a delay on anything the whining begins. This is how flights delayed due to weather become national news stories. Second, if I’m ever in a dire situation, I’d strongly prefer that the emergency room staff focus on saving my life rather than trying to figure out who I am. And third, and this to me seems the most basic question of all – one that as far as I can tell was not asked last week – if the relatives weren’t able to discern one young woman from another, how on earth can they expect the people at the hospital to? If I’m ever in an ICU struggling for my life, I hope my loved ones are there with me, sending me their strength and wisdom, rather than getting dolled up to go on national television to bitch about the paperwork. I don’t want my friends and family to be so generous at a time like that, as the people in Arizona were last week, leaving the hospital and going before the cameras just to do their part to make sure nobody ever has to go through what they’ve experienced, a line that’s become a signature throughout the victim community. How altruistic of them.